octoberhorizons

All your life you never asked for goodbyes
They come so very often without a sign
Once in a while you just have got to know that there's absolutely no reason why
Wipe your tears don't you cry
Even if forever was again a lie
Thou shall wait in aimless silence for your return
In dreadful thoughts that if till forever was what it takes to once again see sunshine.

- random.

"There're certain kinds of pain that can't be treated in a hospital; so those who are suffering do what they can to heal themselves. Some cure the ache of loneliness by making new friends, some soothe their excruciating guilt with an infusion of cash, some alleviate their burning desire with small acts of kindness. But sadly, there will always be those who can't begin to heal, because they realize there is more pain yet to come."

- Desperate Housewives SE07E02

I can spend all night long just thinking...
So lil yet so much.
Wishes are all I can have to myself for now.

"I've done a tad bit of reflection lately as well. Its nice to know that some friends are for keeps, I could talk to them for hours and never get bored, I could tell them 'things' and they will never judge me. Someone reminded me again of the many different types of people there are in this world (in my life). There are people who truly love you for who you are and people who come up with countless motives to get to know you. I think time tells. It takes time getting to know someone and sometimes we might feel disappointed when we don't get our desired outcomes or rather, our take in life. Even if that happens, I think we should not stop giving, loving and smiling because by doing so, it is already a personal blessing all on its own. " - K.W

 

It's sad. I can't find a friend whom i can openly speak my heart out to and not judge me. Indeed, time tells. If only people could see the beauty of time. Sometimes we rush too quickly into things and then stop to wonder how did we all end up here like this? Patience is key. Sometimes it seems like it does not take you anywhere. But if it's been long enough somehow, it's worth the wait. Cause only waiting would show you the answer that only you deserve. That moment that you've been waiting for will come. That has always how the word came all about.

 

 

I have a wish right now.

Bawling my eyes out now.
My pillow is wet.
I can barely catch my breath.
My tears overflowing.

Images flashing across my mind.
Scene of that place
The procedures
The pain
The torture
The faint moments
Can't stop replaying by themselves

My hands are shaking right now
I can't breathe
I can't stop crying
I can't stop thinking
I don't know why this is what I'm feeling
I can't shut my eyes and stop everything anymore
It's like a start of a real nightmare

How many more days and nights or my life am I gonna go through these all?
I'm afraid I can't go on any further one day.

I never thought it'd be so hard.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

If you could just stop and take a step back instead of just thinking of yourself and saying everything is your fault that simply.
Think about how I really should feel, the pain, the sufferings, the torment, the guilt, the horrible thoughts that are gonna haunt me for the rest of my life.
I can't expect anyone else to understand.
Not anyone else but maybe at least, of all people, you.
If putting yourself in my shoes for just one second takes so much effort, then all of these don't matter as much as it does to me.
To think you can actually bring me a future?I really doubt so.
All u care about is having me at your side every moment that you want. Instead of trying to prove that I can actually trust you to bring me a good future.
That is when you realize I don't love you anymore.
And I can't.
Not anymore.
Forever.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

NO.
Never ever gonna get back together with you.
So don't even try.
I'm done with you
And your ugly habits and mindset.
Done.

Whoever said breakups were easy?
Whoever said being in love was a bliss?

The hurt I'm inflicting onto others
Feels like the hurt I've got to withstand myself.
I'm crushed.
I've so much temptation
To create scars on my body
To represent the scars you cannot see inside.

I want so much more.
I want so bad to have whatever I never had the chance to have.
I want you to be perfect.
I want to be your perfect girl.
I want us to be my kind of perfect.

You just don't see them just yet.
You just can't seem to.

And because of that
We're not meant to be together.

My heart feels like it's being split into two.
I'm so confused
But i know I don't wanna be like this.
Why am I feeling all these?

Have I made the mistake of letting someone in from the start?
Maybe i really should be alone.
I've to stop hurting people
Because at the end it just hurts alot more here inside.

Maybe I'm just not ready
Maybe I just don't have enough faith
Maybe I just don't believe anymore

It's so easy falling in love.
Sometimes I wish I could learn not to.

 

It seems like I'll never run out of worries.

This world is too heavy.

Sometimes all I need is a lil guidance

Cause the decisions I've made on my own never get me anywhere good.

I'm secretly waiting for the world to change.

But I've been waiting for too long.



If even in my dreams I have worries, I'd rather dream forever.

That way only my brain hurts and not the heart.